Toxic Relationships.
3 Reasons Going No Contact Is So Easy For Me.
Zero trauma bond goals.
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Iwent no contact almost two months ago. I had one reactive abuse moment when the narcissist told me he had already moved out right after we dropped our kids off at school and while still pretending to be working it out with me, and I have been fine since.
Even during the reactive moment, because they love trying to get a reaction out of their victims, I remember crouching down and praying he would just get the eff out of my house so I never have to look at it again.
I also knew I was reacting so I asked him to leave and drove off, realizing he was probably stealing and/or wrecking things, I returned and just had to let him go off while I crouched down and silently prayed he’d leave fast.
Ofcourse, he tried to call me crazy, absolutely zero acknowledgement about what he had been doing, and that empowered me to sit right there and never, EVER let him near me again!
I do not have a trauma bond with the narcissist. I do not have any good memories to look back on and I can’t even remember a single good thing about him.
After giving birth to our second child six years ago prematurely, mostly due to the abuse, the narcissist busied himself running me down to EVERYONE. Thankfully, authorities got an earful and he basically exposed himself.
What healthy human could possibly abandon a premature baby?
Midwifes, neo-natal nurses, police, doctors, lawyers, and social workers were involved and he was given ‘supervised only’ contact, so like most useless parents, he abandoned that opportunity and we enjoyed six joyful years of peace.
In that six years, I pulled out all the tools I’d gained from my psychology degree, years of reading self-help books, have returned to complete my registration as a psychologist, and despite how crazy it looks that I took that guy back (for a couple months), I know I’m a trauma bond ninja now.
Here’s why I know I’m good:
1. I have zero regrets.
One funny that made me appreciate me was when the narcissist said he regretted us trying again, even though he finally got to meet his son and to get to know the daughter he abandoned at a year old, he could not see the bright side. I don’t regret anything, fortunately looking at the bright side of life is my motto, I find it difficult to see anything dark.
By the way, this narcissist is at his ‘good vibes’ and ‘spiritual’ phase, you know those kinds of narcissists, if you don’t, here’s the download:
2. I know how to deal with toxic people.
I do not play games and I know when someone is playing. Psychoeducation or learning psychology, particularly in relation to your situation, mine being having children related to ‘still learning’ people, will give you so many tools to recognizing toxicity before it infects you.
3. I love myself and my life.
I’ve always had a healthy self-esteem, even during CPTSD after the first round of narcissistic abuse, my self-esteem wasn’t a problem. I have moments where I might kick myself a little for not achieving something, but I always manage to quickly switch up. I also have a good life, maybe not by other people’s standards, but I wouldn’t change a thing, I’m blessed to wake up every day like wow look at my awesome life.
See that toxic person for who and what they really are. Do they add any value to your life or the time and space you’re giving them in your head?
When you go no contact, that means you do not contact them in your head too, no thinking about them or what they did, not once!
If you catch yourself wondering all the whys or ruminating over the awful things they did, just notice it and have a little laugh at yourself, and replace that with all the wonderful things you get to think about and do right now.💚
