Psychology.
Passive Aggression & The Covert Narcissist.
Four common phrases used when covert narcissists hoover.
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You have to laugh at covert narcissists attempts at passive aggression once you get used to them and know what a bunch of tiny tots you’re really dealing with.
Once the narcissists gets their knickers in a twist it’s like dealing with a tiny child having an enormous public tanty full of squeals and kicking and childish comments that seem to come out of fantasy land!
Narcissists are so self-absorbed that anything said or done around them is about them and there is no escaping their desperation for attention, the grandiose with their need for attention from many, and the covert needing at least one person to suck life out of with all their issues — the hero or victim stories are all you’ll hear from coverts!
So, what are the four most common phrases you’ll hear from a hoovering covert once they think you’re listening:
- “It does you no good holding onto hate for me, you should let it go, learn to forgive”
The narcissist uses this over and over again until you finally notice the pattern and leave. They try exactly the same tactic when they try to hoover you back into their lives, but by then you’ve normally realized you’re holding on to nothing but love for yourself by ignoring the games, and the only person needing forgiveness is the narcissist.
2. “I don’t let anybody push me around”
This doesn’t seem passive aggressive unless you hear the way it sounds out a narcissist’s mouth, it basically sounds like they’re talking about themselves, but they’re attacking you at the same time.
After playing all the obvious vulnerabilities to suck people in, coverts start to feel discomfort so they’ll bring up stories about when they were heroes or talk about how tough or smart or strong they are with no reasoning.
It’s awesome for healthy people to talk themselves up, we need more of that, it’s often the clever ones keeping quiet we need to hear more from, but the coverts make it clear they’re trying hard to prove a point, it’s not about clarification or discussion, it’s simply “Look at me, I’m a sad puppy, but I can be a big dog too.”
2. “I did so much for them and they used me”
With narcissistic abuse, you actually do too much for them and they use you, but they will go around making out it was the other way around. This is where it gets tricky with narcissistic abuse survivors speaking up, they can end up looking like the narcissist to outsiders, though most survivors recognize one another.
3. “I prefer people who …(whatever you’re saying ‘no’ to)”
This is the passive aggressive end of the hoovering phase, if you’re lucky, and especially if you do not respond!
